Unusual Circumstances
6:00 AM Woodman is driving to the grandiose city court. He has a big case to attend today. The siivagunner youtube channel is being sued by sony entertainment music japan and faces the risk of being terminated, and woodman is there to stand in for siiva who is asleep. Woodman is listening to siiva’s newest album on his way there. God damn is katamari on the memes a banger. He crashes his car while jamming out to it. Fuck. gotta walk. 6:30 AM Woodman arrives at the courthouse. He enters and takes his seat at the desk. His opponent sony sits on the other side of the court. Wood Man: "Damn they got phoenix wright as their lawyer. Thats pretty damn bad. Not nice in fact." The Judge takes his place. Judge Jerome is supreme. Woodman sweats. Judge Jerome is known to be a harsh judge. This is going to be one hell of a trial. 7:00 AM Court goes into session. The jury files in. its a lot of siiva memes. Sweet. Phoenix gives Sony’s opening statement. Phoenix Wright: "Your honor, I am here today to represent my client Sony Entertainment Music Japan in their lawsuit against the SiIvagunner youtube channel. My client claims that the defendant has used their intellectual property in a way that is infringing on their copyright, and as such that not only do the videos containing said copyrighted material need to be removed, but given the damages done to my client, the defendant’s youtube channel must be terminated." Phoenix takes a seat. The judge motions to woodman for his lawyer to start his opening statement. Wood Man: “Lmao of course your honor my lawyer is just over there.” Woodman points to the other side of the room and standing there is none other than John Notwoodman, the best damn lawyer ever. John Notwoodman: “Ay sup lmao >:] Im here to give my opening statement. So like that bullshit sony’s guy said is cool and all except its wrong. Siiva was in complete compliance with fair use when they made those bangin rips with sony’s material in them. And im here to prove that yall today lol. I rest my case. Wait youre not supposed to say that at the end of the opening statement oops i dont rest my case your honor lmao.” John Notwoodman takes a seat at the defendant’s table which is mysteriously absent of woodman. 8:00 AM Phoenix presents his first evidence and examination: All 7 rips with sony’s music as a source. The audience laughs at the funny 7. Judge Jerome brings order to the court. Phoenix says that these rips obviously violate Sony’s copyright by making use of their music in the videos. He then calls his first witness to the stand: Youtube. Phoenix Wright: “Hello Mr Youtube. You hosted the videos which I have just shown to the court, correct?” YouTube: “Yes this is correct.” Phoenix Wright: “And you heard the use of my clients music in them correct?” YouTube: “Yes this is correct.” Phoenix Wright: “Then surely as a robot, your automated copyright detection system must have gone off, right?” YouTube: “Yes this is correct.” Phoenix Wright: “And anyone who violates copyright so egregiously should not have any place on your platfrom right?” YouTube: “Yes this is correct.” Phoenix Wright: “Thank you Mr. Youtube, you may have a seat.” YouTube: “Beep boop” Youtube returns to their seat. Wright calls his next witness to the stand: bane. Judge Jerome tells bane hes a big guy Bane: “For you” Phoenix Wright: “Mr bane, is it true that you have worked with my opponent in the past?” Bane: “Yes… this is true” Phoenix Wright: “So surely you are familiar with their work.” Bane: “I am” Phoenix Wright: “Within his work have you ever heard any music owned by sony entertainment music japan?” Bane: “I believe I have” John Notwoodman stands up John Notwoodman: “OBJECTION! Your honor they should not be allowed to use a former collaborator of my client’s against me… i mean him!” Judge jerome agrees immediately. Phoenix seems flustered. Phoenix Wright: “Your honor you cant be agreeing with him! There is no reason for Mr Bane not to be able to testify against my opponent” Judge jerome tells Wright to know his place in the court and take a seat. Phoenix Wright: “Y-yes your honor” Wright Calls his final witness to the stand. A mean green man with termites in his yellowed smile walked to the stand. Every step he took was like a million years of sorrow. This man was a bad banana with a greasy yellow peel. Not even a minion would touch that banana. The Grinch took his place at the stand. Phoenix Wright: “Mr. Grinch lovely to see you here today” The Grinch: “Likewise Mr Wright. “ Phoenix Wright: “Now, Mr. Grinch, You are a proud stakeholder in Sony Entertainment correct?” The Grinch: “That sounds about right, yes. A damn good investment.” Phoenix Wright: “And you have heard the videos in question. These are songs you own due to your stakes in this company correct?” The Grinch: “I would have to agree. I own these songs. Theyre mine.” Phoenix Wright: “And using these songs which are your property through our company in an unauthorized video would of course be infringing on your copyrights and ours?” The Grinch: “Uh huh” Phoenix Wright: “Well then. That does it. Your honor I have no more witnesses, Mr Grinch you are dismissed” Notwoodman pipes up John Notwoodman: “Not so fast! Your honor its my time to have witnesses and I say the grinch is my first one!” Judge Jerome will allow it, but first its lunch time. Phoenix Wright: “You cant do that! You completely skipped the cross examination this is all wrong!” Jerome bangs his gavel. Phoenix had better calm down or he would throw this trial out, and Phoenix would be tried in contempt of court. Pheonix quietly takes his seat. PM Woodman goes to his favorite restaurant, the minion cafe. As he walks in, all the minions cheer. The Minions: “WOOMAN!!!!! BANANA!!!!” Wood Man: “Hey guys lmao. Ill order a banana sandwich lol” Woodman eats his banana sandwich. PM Court is back in session. The grinch sits back down at the stand. The Grinch: “Alright what is it notwoodman.” John Notwoodman: “Mr Grinch Mr Grinch Mr Grinch… Youre in for a world of epic >:]” The Grinch: “Uh ok” John Notwoodman: “Is it true that on December 7th 2018 that you took full control of the siivagunner channel?” The grinch begins to sweat The Grinch: “Yes thats right i did. “ John Notwoodman: “So you had complete jurisdiction over the videos being uploaded? You watched and approved them all?” The Grinch: “I did.” Baby im yours by breakbot featuring irfane began to play. John Notwoodman: “Ladies and gentledudes. We gotem. “ The bass drops John Notwoodman: “Your honor my client has just admitted that he not only has full jurisdiction over these songs but that he ALLOWED them to appear on our channel. Your honor, I rest my case. Nice i said it at the right time now >:] you just got WHIPPED and NAENAED on” Judge Jerome wants to make a ruling but by law woodman needs two more witnesses. John Notwoodman: “Oh. uh ok. Ill call in uh count cannoli I guess lol” Count Cannoli walks into the room. Count Cannoli: “nonsense” John Notwoodman: “Lol what” Count Cannoli: “Oh sorry i was speaking scottish. What i said was This entire trial is bullshit and so is this story. Im really only here because im suing a slipper for stealing my meme later today.” John Notwoodman: “Oh thats-” Woodman is interupted by a loud BANG Count cannoli falls to the floor limp. Across the room is a man holding a gun. Its Mr Rental. Mr Rental: “You didnt pay your rental fee bitch” PM After that mess was cleaned up, court resumed John Notwoodman: “Ok well i guess my second witness is gonna be nozomi.” Nozomi Tojo takes a seat at the stand. John Notwoodman: “Ay whaddup nozomi” Nozomi babbles John Notwoodman: “I dont really have much to say but uh can you like tell everyone why siiva is innocent?” Nozomi babbles for a while. The crowd seems very attentive. The jury listens carefully. Eric Andre: “Well y'know... She makes a good point.” Bob Dylan: "Holy shit, that speech was almost better than weeeeeed. ooooooh." John Notwoodman: “Man thank you so much nozomi you can take a seat now lmao” John Notwoodman: “Alright lol time for my last witness” Theres a good 5 minutes of silence. Some guy who looks a lot like larryinc64 in the back of the audience yells Guy who looks a lot like LarryInc64: “HEY!!! HURRY IT UP OVER THERE!!!!” He gets arrested for contempt of court. After that, woodman finally reveals his witness. John Notwoodman: “Alright lmao my last witness is my dude... jerome” Jerome walks up to the stand and greets judge jerome John Notwoodman: “Alright lmao what the hell lol ok uh haha ok ok so ok uh hhaha hey jerome” Jerome says hello John Notwoodman: “Have hahahha have you uh heh hehehe ok ok ok uh have you EVER heard hahah of hehehe have you ever heard of bofa” Jerome hasnt heard of bofa. Woodman stops dead in his tracks and a big grin appears on his face. John Notwoodman: “BOFA DEEZ NUTS!!! I REST MY FUCKING CASE!” The Jury goes in the back room to make their decision. 4:00PM The jury re-enters the room. Each of them says their opinion in order. Eric Andre: “not guilty dude” Lifevest Kid ': “not guilty!” '''Gaijin Goomba ': “Not guilty!” '''Haltmann: “Not guilty” Nathaniel Welchert: “Not Guilty!” Gay Haltmann: “Not guilty” Chaze: "Not Guilty!" Hancho: ”Not guilty” Chaze The Chat: ”Not guilty” Chaze The Churkey: “Not guilty” Chase: “Not Guilty” Bob Dylan: “Ughh bob dylan ahhh smoke tha weed uuggh ohhh he's not guilty uugh oooh eeeegh h.” Judge Jerome rules Siivagunner not guilty Phoenix loses it. Phoenix Wright: “YOUR HONOR NO THIS IS NOT RIGHT!! IF WE CANT USE BANE THEY CANT USE THE GRINCH THIS IS BULLSHIT” Notwoodman interupts him John Notwoodman: “Hold it! The judge said one more outburst would hold you in contempt of court. Fellas take him away.” The cops come to chain up phoenix Phoenix Wright: “EH?! N-NO! NO!!! FUCK YOU!” Phoenix runs across the court and tackles Notwoodman and punches him and rips off his mustache. Phoenix Wright: "THIS WAS THE BIGGEST CASE OF MY LIFE BUT YOU RUINED IT YOU KEPT SAYING MY FUCKING LINES AND YOU ARENT EVEN A LAWYER YOURE JUST WOODMAN!!! JOHN NOTWOODMAN DOESNT EXIST I HATE YOU” The cops dragged Phoenix off of Woodman. Wood Man: “oh hey bane” Bane: “Hello woodman” Wood Man: “Wanna to go get some victory lunch? >:]” Bane: “Of course!” The Grinch: “Erm... C-Can i come too?” Wood Man: “Lol fuck you”